Anne Grodzins Lipow

We buried a relative and friend yesterday, Anne Lipow, who died of breast cancer at age 69. Anne's ex-husband is my husband's relative, but Anne and her daughters became my particular friends over the years as we attended family gatherings together, including Passover, weddings, and birthday parties.

Many people get eulogized as extraordinary; Anne Lipow is one of those who deserves the adjective. I don't know many women with her energy and range of passion and accomplishment. Her death is a great loss.

Rabbi Michael Lerner conducted the funeral, and gave a talk on life, death and God that comforted me greatly. Rabbi Lerner reminded us that in his view, and Anne's, being a Jew means being concerned for justice, welcoming the stranger, loving the Other. He said Jews who believe in these ideals must stand up to the state of Israel when it fails. He said from the pulpit that Israel is not righteous or just in its dealings with the Palestinians. His words were much stronger, and when Anne's daughter Jenny feels up to e-mailing the text, I'll put them up.

I felt amazed and grateful that I'd managed to marry not only the perfect man for me, but also that he comes with an entourage of relatives who are so sympathetic. True mensches, all of them. I would never have expected to hear a plug for justice and peace in Israel/Palestine at a Jewish funeral. Some of the mourners hadn't expected it, either, and perhaps were not pleased, but this was Anne's wish.

We read a Kaddish translated by Marge Piercy, heard mystical teaching from a Jewish Renewal rabbi, sang songs by Phil Ochs and John Lennon, wept at the graveside and threw dirt upon our friend's coffin. Afterwards we went to her family home in Berkeley and ate and drank together.

Because of Anne's battle with breast cancer, I have been helped in my own recent illness. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer 7 weeks ago, Anne from her deathbed told her daughters to call me and insist that I go to the University of California for a second opinion. I did so, and will always be grateful. My prognosis is extremely good. However I will be undergoing surgery to remove the left breast on Tuesday, September 21, 2004. I've been told to expect a long hospital stay (reconstruction) and lengthy recovery. Naturally I will not blog for a time. Expect no activity here from about September 20 to mid October.

Funerals are intended to help the living cope with the sorrow of losing the dead. My loving, warmhearted family used this funeral to comfort me, too, as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. In his sorrow, Anne's husband still asked after my own health first. Relatives of David's whom I had never met before kissed me and offered words of support.

The sign of hope is that even in the worst of times, the human spirit burns bright with love. Bad times bring us closer to that Source from which all Being springs; I have been lucky to feel the love and humanity of others so strongly during this health crisis.

Readers: remember that no matter what goes wrong in the world, somewhere something is going right. As war and pestilence boil around us, we need each other all the more desperately.

I'm still here for the rest of the week. Now that the heavy news is over, let's party!

Comments

[islamoyankee]

May God give peace to the soul of your friend. Our thoughts and prayers are with you during your own taklif, and we wish you a safe and speedy recovery.

[moorishgirl]

Sorry to hear about this, Leila. Heartfelt wishes for your speedy recovery.

[Leila]

Thank you so much, Islamoyankee and Laila. You are beacons of light on the internet, and I am full of gratitude to you both.

[sophyQ]

I've only been reading your words here for for a short time, and I love reading them, they are insightful and inspiring. I am sorry for the loss of your friend and relative and also sad to hear your health news... I wish you the very best with the operation and look forward to reading more of your words when you return.